The Speed of Sound

The new Mercedes-Benz SLK250 CDI has more torque than its V6 petrol sibling despite two less cylinders, and is only a tenth slower to 62 than the similarly priced SLK250 petrol. Yet according to Stuttgart, the oil burning SLK returns over 56mpg on the combined cycle and emits less CO2 than the most polar bear friendly A-Class. It’s by far the most efficient SLK ever.

So why couldn’t I get on with it? Well, it’s all to do with the noise. The SLK250 CDI’s pace is unquestionable. It fires off the line with maximum twist from just 1,600rpm and before you know it, you’re doing naughty speeds and glancing in your mirrors like a paranoid with a dodgy tick, hoping the rozzers aren’t watching your every move.

But, as I found out, just because your diesel sports car can mix it with the big boys in a straight line doesn’t make it an intoxicating drive. Diesel engines are all about keeping cash in your pocket – even if it takes 10,000 miles for their premium over petrol models to be nullified. And so, to expect a spine tingling soundtrack from a motor with ‘third generation, common-rail, direct fuel injection’ is as foolhardy as expecting it to redline at 7,000rpm. It’s just not going to happen.

Mercedes’ 250 CDI engine is a lightweight, torque heavyweight and its inclusion in the SLK range challenges people’s perceptions of what a sports car can and can’t be. But it’s a task too big even for the truly superb, four-cylinder biturbo motor.

A sports car allows you to bask in the texture of an engine’s voice. Roof down motoring doesn’t get any better than when your every move is backed by the rich sound of pure mechanical opera. But on the occasions when I did hang onto the SLK250 CDI’s gears and eek out every last drop of performance, I instantly regretted it because the rugged, diesely drone was unescapable. Worse still, when the SLK’s roof is down you hear everything a pedestrian would, which really does make you think twice about ‘dropping the hammer’ again. That’s just not how a sports car should make you feel.

The SLK’s four-pot and V6 petrols produce a sound that’ll have people spinning on the spot and you grinning like a mentalist. All the diesel engine does is let people know you’re as bothered about fuel economy as style – and that’s just not very cool, is it?

The Generation Game

The Lamborghini Reventon didn’t stand a chance. The Ferrari F40 had already spooled both turbochargers and its driver had already selected the right gear. Exiting the opening left hander, the Maranello supercar cut inside – a pay off of going deeper into the turn. With more exit speed, the F40 rocketed into first place, its V8 screaming and willing its pilot to slot home another gear.

Two corners later, the Ferrari was just a speck on the horizon, the Lamborghini bogged down by its weight, unevocative four-wheel drive system and the inexperienced driver behind the wheel. 

You can have moments like these every time you turn on an Xbox 360 console and place Forza Motorsport 4 onto the disc tray. On this occasion, I was in the Fezza and my girlfriend’s 11-year old brother was in the Reventon – him wooed by the Lambo’s matte grey paint and jet fighter styling, me taken by the F40’s unsanitised get-up-and-go, fizzing Italian bellow and carbon fibre body shell. 

In all likelihood, I’ll never see an F40 on track alongside a Reventon, let alone drive one of the things. But the beauty of computer gaming is that, on any of the multiple tracks Forza has at its disposal, you can – and do. Such indulgence of racing fantasies on computer consoles has been the guilty pleasure of petrolheads for years. And that got me thinking. 

After I’d zipped past the Lambo and proceeded to take the chequered flag, it dawned on me that I’d just beaten an 11-year old boy at his own game, so to speak. I’d played these things before, sure. Hell, I own an Xbox 360 and Forza 3.

But whereas I taught my dad a thing or two about lift off oversteer on 1990s arcade classic, Ridge Racer, and told him when to brake for the Corkscrew at Laguna Seca on Gran Turismo 4. Maybe this generation of budding fathers will, for the first time in history, soon be showing their offspring a thing or two on racing games. And I can’t see the balance ever swinging back the other way. 

Playing computer games is much more accepted in society now than it was 10 or 20 years ago, and is an entirely more accepted activity among middle aged blokes. Experience counts for a lot in the digital world, and the way I see it, us current crop of dads - and soon to be dads - have more than any other generation to walk the Earth. You just can’t compete with that, kids.